ICT Literacy ;)

hpMbokde adalah pembantu baru kami dari pelosok desa, untuk memudahkan memonitor anak2 dirumah saya berikan ia sebuah HP.
Suatu hari dr kantor saya calling Mbokde utk nanyain anak2. Telepon tidak diangkat. Selang 15 menit, tiba2 Mbokde tergopoh2 masuk ke ruangan kantor saya.

Kaget saya nanya: “Mbokde…kenapa Telepon saya tidak diangkat??!! kenapa malah kesini?!!..”

Mbokde: “Iya maap Pak, habis waktu HP bunyi saya liat tulisan ‘PAK TONY MEMANGGIL’  makanya itu saya langsung datang kesini,  coba kalo tertulis ‘PAK TONY MENELPON’ pasti saya ngomong di HP, Pak”.

Mbokde….Mbokde!! &%$#@!!!!

Advertisements

Ibu Mie HOT

ibu2Seorang Ibu nggak ngerti bahasa Englishnya Mie, dikira “Me”…si ibu ngebet ngajak ngobrol seorang tourist:
Ibu: “Sir, sir, do you like Me?”
Si Bule bingung. Si Ibu langsung mencicipi Mie didepan si Bule, ternyata pedaaas banget. Sambil terengah2+berkeringat si Ibu bilang: “Sir, looks I am HOT!”
Si bule pun lari ketakutan #*@!!! 🙂

StandUp Lucu

Kumpulan Humor Bulan Puasa

(copy & ngumpulin dr berbagai sumber)
NENEK SAKIT KEPALA
Seorg nenek yg sdg berpuasa tiba2 sakit kepala.
Dia lsg ambil bodrex dilemari dan meminumnya.
…Tiba2 si nenek td di pergoki sm cucunya….
Cucu: “nek, koq minum obat? Kan jadi batal puasax.”
Nenek: “itulah okenya bodrex, dapat diminum kapan aja.”
Cucu: %&^%$??!

****************************************************

Tradisi setiap tahun Bulan Puasa:
10 hari pertama mesjid penuh
10 hari kedua Mall penuh
10 hari ketiga Stasiun penuh
10 hari keempat Pegadaian penuh

****************************************************

Ustadz Mansur pulang ngisi ngaji Ramadan mendapati isterinya menangis
Mansur: kenapa sayang kok nangis?
Isteri: sedih mas habis selesai baca buku
Mansur: wah, nggak happy ending ya. Emang buku apa to kok awal2 bulan puasa gini bikin nangis?
Isteri: buku tabungan kita mas …..

****************************************************

lewat corong sebuah mushola: “Bapaaak..ibuu…sa’ meniko wedalipun Sahuuuuuur!!, monggo wunguu!…Bapak ibu ingkang Mboten siam, mboten sah wungu..dados mboten perlu SAHUUUUUUR!!!!” $%@#!!

Tips GAGAL Wawancara ADS

Ary, seorang applicant ADS, sedang menghadapi test wawancara beasiswa.
Alhamdulillaah dia lolos test berkas karena emang S2 nya lulusan Flinders University. berikut rekaman wawancara yang membuat dia gagal.

Bule Interviewer: Continue reading

to install Husband application

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy 

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as 
Romance 9.5 
and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. 

What can I do?

Signed,

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ 
Reply
 

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. 

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0should then automatically run the applicationsJewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.. 

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default toSilence 2.5 or Beer 6.1
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. 

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) 

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7. 

Good Luck Madam!

(source: mailinglist PPIA-Flinders)

Thesis Malam Pertama ketemu isteri lagi

Meski sudah selesai PhD, Joko nggak bisa lepas juga dr kosakata thesis yg udah ngisi otaknya selama 4 thn. Berikut ngobrol si Joko dengan isterinya dimalam pertama saat ketemu lagi.

Joko :”Sayank, mas kangeen banget…..boleh nggak mas ‘nulis thesis’ buat adik malam ini?”

Isteri:”boleh donk yank, cuman kl bisa jangan langsung ‘Conclusion’ ya…please’Introduction’dulu atau ‘Discussion’nya yg lama ya”


Joko:”tenang aja sayank..meski langsung ‘Conclusion’, ntar mas ‘Major Revision’ dech!!”


Isteri: @#$%!!